Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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