he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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