i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
