Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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