I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
