butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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