im having a threesome with these popsicles
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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