i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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