he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
