Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
