Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My feet surprised me
Randomize
