I'd wear matching sweaters with you
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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