it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
