Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
