My sheets look like a crime scene.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
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Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
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We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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