How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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