We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
