2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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