I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
