I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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