omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
