you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
