So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Randomize
