Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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