YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
