This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
