my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
try to milk me bitch
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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