Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
