the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
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Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You were trust falling into bushes
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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