Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
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