Someone shit on the floor
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW