My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.