yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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