Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
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I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
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I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.