Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
