we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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