He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How does one acquire holy water?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
