i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
