It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
