Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
