That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I had to cum in my sink.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
