You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize