Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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