obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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