So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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