You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
