A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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