I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
