as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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