Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize