i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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