I accidentally burped into my bong.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
