oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
