Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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