Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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