We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
