My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
