She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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