Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
