That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
