I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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