He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
