guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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