I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
