So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
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i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
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I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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