Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she told me i tasted like america
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
