Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
