they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
