chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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