I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
