Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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