I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
PANTIES FOUND
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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