you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
