omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
