Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
