so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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